Can A Cheater Change His/Her Spots?

cropped-cropped-logo1.png Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

“Once a cheater always a cheater.” I beg to differ.

Me:  Could you take a chance and date someone known for cheating in her past relationships?

Stuart:  At this point in my life, I wouldn’t take the chance. It would be a waste of time.

Me:  What if she claimed to no longer cheat? Could you trust her? Or would it be too risky?

Stuart:  Too risky. I like to look at people’s pasts to determine their futures. This may be unfair, but that’s how I do it.

Ouch. Well if a person’s future is determined by his/her past then no man would ever take a chance on me. I have cheated on basically every boyfriend I’ve ever had. There, my skeleton is out of the closet. I cannot really provide an explanation for my infidelity besides being young, selfish, and immature.

My last relationship was over 4 years ago. Since then I have grown a lot within myself, with my relationship with God, and with my relationships with the opposite sex. I now know what I want and what I do not want. And I recognized my own shortcomings in relationships and have made great strides to overcome them. With all that being said I still find myself having to answer for the mistakes of my past. I’m finding that some men have a difficult time accepting my “spotted” history.

There are many risks involved when startings new relationships. The biggest -I think we all can agree- is heartbreak. We want to avoid it at all costs. And in some eyes, choosing to date a former cheater is a huge gamble. But as any gambler would tell you, the only way to win is to stay at the table.

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17) This scripture speaks about the ministry of reconciliation. We have been reconciled with God through Christ, with God “not counting men’s sins against them” (2 Corinthians 5:19). Following God’s example we should work to be reconciled with our brothers and sisters not counting their sins again them as well (not just talking about romantic relationships either).

So … am I worth the risk? Heck yeah I am! (Duh! lol

So take a chance. 

While on the topic of cheaters… Is going to the strip club considered cheating?

Until next time,

~Keep Laughing

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Kitta is an Interviewer and Freelance Blogger/Writer from Jackson, TN. She can provide blogging services for your business or product, and event coverage.

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Rejection Isn’t Fair

cropped-cropped-logo1.png Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

Is there an easy way to tell someone you’re just not that into them? When someone puts themselves out there and spills their heart to someone it is often something they have been holding in for a while and have been working up the courage to say. From personal experience that’s a hard thing to do. So if you’re the recipient of those special words and you don’t share the same feelings, how do you tell them? Are you honest and say exactly how you’re NOT feeling? Or do you dance around it and ultimately ignore the situation until that person finally gets the hint? What if you can’t find anything wrong with this person? They say and do all the right things, and they embody everything you are looking for in a significant other, but you still can’t bring yourself to get into them.

I’ve been on the receiving end of both expressing and being expressed to, and neither situation is easy when you or the other person doesn’t return those feelings. So let’s deal with the situation of someone having feelings for you that you do not share or are not ready to share. How do you let the other person down without hurting their feelings? Or are hurt feelings inevitable? I have only dealt with these situations in two ways, I ignore it until it goes away or I give a generic, watered down response. What do I mean by generic, watered down response? You ask all the right questions, and I have all the right answers. I have, in the past, responded by saying, “I don’t want to ruin our friendship” or “I’m just not looking for a relationship at this time” or “I have too much going on right now and I don’t have time to commit to someone else.” Watered down, meaning I’m saying just enough to get out of revealing my real feelings and not hurt their feelings too much. Generic because I am not telling the real reason I don’t want to pursue a relationship with this person, “It’s not me, it’s you. I’m just not into you.”

I’ve been talking to a friend of mine that is going through this right now. She had a young man tell her how much he likes her. He has practically planned their wedding and impregnated her so they can have the perfect little family…in his head. And guess what? She doesn’t feel the same way about him. Now he’s a really good guy that would make some woman very happy, but she’s not that woman. And that’s okay, as long as she tells him that and doesn’t string him along. But how does she turn down what others would consider the almost perfect guy? How could you walk away from something you know you may not find ever again…in life?!

I have found that it doesn’t matter how good a person is, how good they are to you, and much they have going for them, if that person is not the right person for YOU, it won’t work. He or she could be the one that everyone else would kill to be with…loves God, good job, good personality, good looks, does and says all the right things…but if he or she is not THAT person, there’s no way you can be with them and be happy. We all have THAT person that we want to be with, even if we don’t admit it. We compare just about everyone to them and no one measures up, no one can serve as a replacement. You can have someone saying all the right things, ready to give you the world, but it means nothing if it doesn’t come from the right person. How do you feel when you wake up to the “good morning” text, the “I’ve been thinking about you all day” text, the “I would do anything for you” text…when it comes from THAT person? You can’t even put into words the feeling that comes over you. You’ll run smack into a pole trying to reply to that text. Now think about how you feel when you get those same messages from someone you have absolutely no feelings for. I know, your facial expression just went from sugar to salt. You may even have your friends and family in your ear telling you, “Giiiiirrrrl you better not let this one get away. He’s the one!”

So when people try to make you feel stupid for passing up what they see as the best thing that ever happened to you, just say okay and keep it moving. You owe no one an explanation. Remember, you’ll have chemistry with a lot of people. But not all chemistry should lead to a romantic relationship. Some chemistry is just the chemistry of finding a really good friend. You can’t fall for everyone because of the chemistry between you. Just because a person seems perfect, doesn’t mean they’re perfect for you. So how do you tell someone that you’re just not that interested in them without hurting their feelings? You can simply say, “I just don’t see us as being compatible enough to date and I would rather be honest with you now than to, later, try to explain to you why it didn’t work between us.” Is that easy? No! Will someone still probably be a little hurt? Yes! But if they don’t respect you for your honesty, then you just dodged a big ol sore loser bullet. Just kidding…not really.

Until next time,

~Keep Laughing

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Kitta is an Interviewer and Freelance Blogger/Writer from Jackson, TN, now residing in Charlotte, NC. She can provide blogging services for your business or product, and event coverage.

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When Your Broken Heart Becomes Your Fault

cropped-logo1.png Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

Girl meets boy. Girl and boy fall in love. Things are good for one or two years. Things suddenly start to change. Boy or girl is no longer in love. Boy and girl go their separate ways. Girl or boy is confused and blindsided…didn’t see this coming. Or did they? Let’s go back a few months and take a look at what may have transpired. Remember that one time her phone rang and she took the call in the other room? And how that started happening more regularly, when she normally has no problem taking calls in front of you no matter who it is? Or how you usually see him almost every day of the week and now you see him maybe three or four days out of the week…if he has time? Oh, or what about the first time you suspected he was lying to you about where he was and what he did the night before, but you dismissed it because you didn’t want to believe that he would actually lie to your face! Yep! There are always signs, whether we choose to acknowledge them or not. The signs are sometimes subtle, but sometimes HUGE! They smack us in the face like the smell of your grandma cooking chitterlings in the summer time. We see the changes taking place but we hope that we can do something to bring things back to normal…the way it was when you both were in love with each other. We don’t realize that the longer we ignore the problems the worse those problems become. And sometimes we set ourselves up for a heartbreak. How is that possible you ask? Well, we put ourselves in situations that we KNOW will not have a happy ending.

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Take me for example, because y’all know I’ve put myself in some questionable situations. A few years ago I was in ‘like’ with this guy. We weren’t in a relationship or even dating. But we had a strong like for each other. We talked everyday, he came to visit me at work regularly, and I even stayed up all night texting him while he was at work. Yep, I sacrificed sleep just to talk to him! It felt like we were teenagers, neither of us wanting to be the first to hang up the phone. I thought that since we were taking the time to really get to know each, without being around each other all the time and not even being close to being intimate, that we were starting off on the right foot. We weren’t being distracted by lust because we weren’t spending time together alone. We were sharing a different type of intimacy. HA! Corny right? I know, I know. But just keep reading because there was a very good reason why we were never alone together or went out on dates or never even seen together in public. He wasn’t 100 percent available…he was engaged to be married…and not to me. And yes I knew this before I got ‘involved’ in this situation with him! But I continued to talk to him every day, staying up all night texting him while he was at work. I believed the things he told me about his current relationship, and then I got my heart broken. I logged on to Facebook one day and I saw wedding pictures…his wedding pictures…I talked to him the day before his wedding and he never mentioned the fact that he was getting married the next day. I was hurt and angry. I couldn’t believe that he was such a coward to not tell me he was about to walk down the aisle. I thought we meant more to each other and he had more respect for me to hurt me like that. LOL, yeah I know that’s funny right? I had to laugh at myself on that thought. But wait! Should he have given me the heads up that he was getting married? I mean, I knew he was engaged and marriage is what usually follows. Truth is he didn’t owe me anything. A warning about his upcoming wedding, an explanation, an apology…NOTHING! My broken heart was now my fault. So often we go through relationships with our love shades on. Just like our Ray Bans, Nine West, and for some of us Prada shades, blocks the sun, our love shades block the lies, excuses and infidelity. They block the lack of interest from our partner. They block the true personalities and characters of our significant other. We wear them inside and outside, making people look at us thinking that we are confused. You know those people who wear their shades inside or even when there is no sun out? Or people who take selfies with their shades on…or the dude that always wears a hat because he just doesn’t look the same without it.They refuse to remove these items because they seem to make everything look better. Some tend to think they can change a person if they stick by them, love them through their mess. Hmph! When a person shows you over and over again who they are, and you still don’t believe them…your broken heart becomes YOUR FAULT! So how do we stop breaking our own hearts? Simple..stop settling! Recognize that you deserve better and do not settle for less than what you want. You think that what you have now is the best you can do. No ma’am! God wants more for you in EVERY area of your life. Your career, your education, your family, your friends and your relationships. He does want us to settle for less, when He wants to give us the best. But we have to let go so we can grasp what He has waiting for us. We should NEVER let a man or woman have to tell us twice that they don’t want us!

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Until next time…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta is an Interviewer and Freelance Blogger/Writer from Jackson, TN. She can provide blogging services for your business or product, and event coverage.

Why I’m Single

cropped-logo1.png Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

A few days ago I was standing in front of the mirror snapping pictures of myself trying to take the perfect selfie to post on Instagram. I must have snapped at least 30 shoots before I had one that I liked and was presentable enough for everyone else to see. If you check my Instagram page you will see that I have posted very few pictures of myself. The rare times that I do post a pic of myself I go through the process of finding the perfect lighting and usually snap pics for about 10 minutes before I have one that I almost like. And if I stare at it for more than 5 minutes I can find at least 3 things wrong with it and I no longer almost like it. But, during this process a few days ago I realized why I’m single. Well I realized the biggest reason that I’m single, because there’s more than one reason. I, Markitta Michelle Garner, have a self-image problem. My mental picture of myself is poor. After doing a little research I was surprised to discover that many people with type A personality tend to have a poor self-image. Those with type A personality tend to be ambitious, impatient, truthful, sensitive and always try to help others. I should get a Type A Personality t-shirt made and wear it everyday.

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I am constantly promoting Team Single. I never miss the opportunity to let the world know how happy I am with my single status, and I am happy being single. I am in no rush to be boo’ed up. But I also have to be honest with myself about one of the reasons why I’ve chosen to stay single for so long. It’s not that I don’t go out or that no one shows interest, or the excuse that a lot of women in my small town like to use, “There are no good men in this city.” I’m sure there are plenty of good men in my area. My why is my self-image. How I see myself is not the same as how others say they see me. When I’m at home getting dressed for work or a night out with my girls. I have a little confidence. But once I step over the threshold of my front door, that confidence level quickly diminishes.

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Phot cred: Trunetta Atwater http://www.trunettaatwater.com

I’m pretty as long as I’m the only one and there’s no competition. I’m pretty until I’m among my friends who exude a natural beauty…a beauty that doesn’t take much effort. I’m pretty until I’m surrounded by other women that I’m constantly comparing myself to. I’m pretty until I step on the scale. I’m pretty until someone wants to take a picture with me. I can’t tell you where my self-image issues come from because I honestly don’t know. All I can say is that I compare myself to others a lot and I’m sure if I stopped doing that I would probably like myself a lot more. So I guess my issues come from my own insecurities. I definitely do not lack people in my life, male and female, that tell me I’m beautiful inside and out. The problem is I don’t believe them. It’s kind of like when you’re mom tells you you’re pretty…I feel like they’re saying it because they’re my friends, not because they really mean it.

Now don’t get it twisted, I’m not looking for validation from a man. I love myself enough not to settle or let someone belittle or disrespect me, but I don’t always like myself. I’m single because I don’t feel attractive. And if I don’t feel attractive I can’t attract anyone else. I’m single because I literally don’t want a man to hug me or touch me in any way because I don’t have the perfect body. I’m single because I feel like if any man gets to close he’ll see all my imperfections.

My friends recently asked me if them telling me that I’m pretty make a difference and the answer is no. You can tell someone something a thousand times, but until they can see it for themselves you’re wasting your breath. Other people’s opinion of me shouldn’t shape how I feel about myself. I have to change my mental perception and realize that God made everything beautiful, including me. So in an effort to reverse my self-image I am going to look in the mirror every morning and repeat Psalm 139:14, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”  

I am currently reading the book Glamour Girl: How To Get The Ultimate Makeover! by Megan Mottley. One of my favorite quotes the book reads,“Problems arise when we compare ourselves to others as well as what we constantly see on television, in magazines, and so forth. People come in all shapes, sizes and colors and no one is better than the other. Our society has defined beauty, fashion, music, religion and many other factors to be a certain way and anything else is ugly, not stylish or just plain wrong. The key is to define your own style and attitude, while taking only a few tips from magazines, television or the people you observe on a daily basis.”

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I know I’m not the only one struggling with their self-image. To all my beauties, “you are created in the image of God, and God don’t make no junk! Like a snowflake, every person is unique. No two are the same. God sees you as a masterpiece; and when you look in the mirror, say Psalm 139:14 and smile.” ~Vicky Courtney http://www.focusonthefamily.com

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As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta is an Interviewer and Freelance Blogger/Writer from Jackson, TN. She can provide blogging services for your business or product, and event coverage.

Follow Me instagram

Black Buying Power: The Importance of Supporting Black Businesses

cropped-logo1.pngTurning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

I have conversations regularly about how we as Black people should support Black businesses. When the option is available, we should always choose to work with a Black business owner, especially if it’s a locally owned small business. Minority business owners seem to suffer from the myth of offering bad service and not providing as good of a quality product as their white competitors. I’ll admit that I have often had that thought in past. I have a friend that always said she never lets an Asian do her manicures and pedicures. She will always find a Black nail tech and support her first. Me, being prejudice and ignorant about the abilities of my own people [Black] would say, “I don’t think anyone can do nails better than Asians.” Please don’t judge me by my ignorance, I’ve since broadened my mind and accepted that we [Blacks] are capable of absolutely any and everything.

When referencing Black owned businesses and entrepreneurs, people tend to make comments like, “Black people don’t know how to conduct business” or “I don’t support Black businesses because they can’t be trusted.” How do you know they don’t know how to conduct business or they can’t trusted if you’ve never given them a chance? So you mean to tell me that every white business owner is trustworthy and conducts business in a proper manner ALL THE TIME? Every last one of them? Nah bruh, I can’t except that. Whenever you hear about a business man embezzling the money of investors or a Ponzi scheme, isn’t it usually a white person? I’m sorry, that’s stereotyping isn’t it? But it’s true. The term ‘Ponzi scheme’ was even named after Charles Ponzi–a swindler, con artist and WHITE man from the early 1920s. So why are Black people seen as sub-standard when it comes to operating a legit business?

Whenever we get bad service from a retailer or restaurant, or any establishment that offers a service, we are quick to submit a complaint to the manager or through the business’ online website. We sometimes say we’ll never go back again, but after a short period of time we usually do go back. Especially if it’s a place that we frequent. Or if this business has multiple locations we’ll usually just visit a different location. Unfortunately, in most cases, Black owned businesses do not have multiple locations to choose from. Especially if it’s a locally owned small business. So let’s say you decide to support a Black entrepreneur and you receive not so favorable service. Instead of voicing your concerns or dissatisfaction, we just never go back; because that’s the kind of service you were expecting to get anyway right? But let’s say you go to Chick-fil-a and you get bad service; you’re more likely to complain and just vow to never visit that particular location again. But you can go to another location on the other side of town and still give your money to chick-fil-a. You can’t likely do that with a Black business because often times there is no other location.

Despite the lack of support, Black businesses are actually thriving. A 2011 survey of business owners conducted by the U.S. Census Bureau shows that the number of Black owned businesses increased by 60.5% between 2002 – 2007. There are multiple reasons we should support Black owned businesses. One is that they usually employ a high number of Black people, thus contributing to the decline of the Black unemployment rate. Those that open businesses in their own communities are helping to supply necessities to those who don’t have the means to venture outside of their neighborhoods and communities. We [Blacks] have a $1.1 Trillion spending power. Supporting more Black businesses contributes to the increase of Black incomes, giving families a chance to properly provide for their children and fund Black education. We should make a conscious effort everyday to buy Black. Even if we have to go out of way to do it. Other races and ethnicities are always going to stick together no matter what, it’s time for us [Blacks] to do the same. If you get bad service, which is most likely to be from an employee of that business, make it a point to talk to the business owner about it, even if you have to return at a later date. They want your business and will surely do what they can to rectify the situation. We should never think that what we are doing to personally contribute to the rise of the Black community is enough. It’s never enough…commit to doing more.

Until next time,

~Keep Laughing

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Kitta is an Interviewer and Freelance Blogger/Writer from Jackson, TN. She can provide blogging services for your business or product, and event coverage.

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