Can A Cheater Change His/Her Spots?

cropped-cropped-logo1.png Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

“Once a cheater always a cheater.” I beg to differ.

Me:  Could you take a chance and date someone known for cheating in her past relationships?

Stuart:  At this point in my life, I wouldn’t take the chance. It would be a waste of time.

Me:  What if she claimed to no longer cheat? Could you trust her? Or would it be too risky?

Stuart:  Too risky. I like to look at people’s pasts to determine their futures. This may be unfair, but that’s how I do it.

Ouch. Well if a person’s future is determined by his/her past then no man would ever take a chance on me. I have cheated on basically every boyfriend I’ve ever had. There, my skeleton is out of the closet. I cannot really provide an explanation for my infidelity besides being young, selfish, and immature.

My last relationship was over 4 years ago. Since then I have grown a lot within myself, with my relationship with God, and with my relationships with the opposite sex. I now know what I want and what I do not want. And I recognized my own shortcomings in relationships and have made great strides to overcome them. With all that being said I still find myself having to answer for the mistakes of my past. I’m finding that some men have a difficult time accepting my “spotted” history.

There are many risks involved when startings new relationships. The biggest -I think we all can agree- is heartbreak. We want to avoid it at all costs. And in some eyes, choosing to date a former cheater is a huge gamble. But as any gambler would tell you, the only way to win is to stay at the table.

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17) This scripture speaks about the ministry of reconciliation. We have been reconciled with God through Christ, with God “not counting men’s sins against them” (2 Corinthians 5:19). Following God’s example we should work to be reconciled with our brothers and sisters not counting their sins again them as well (not just talking about romantic relationships either).

So … am I worth the risk? Heck yeah I am! (Duh! lol

So take a chance. 

While on the topic of cheaters… Is going to the strip club considered cheating?

Until next time,

~Keep Laughing


Kitta is an Interviewer and Freelance Blogger/Writer from Jackson, TN. She can provide blogging services for your business or product, and event coverage.

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I’m Coming Out…Of The Friend Zone

cropped-logo1.pngTurning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

As a single Black woman I can definitely feel the effects of the lack of good, single Black men. It may seem that all the good ones are taken, married, or they don’t meet our, often times, extensive list of qualifications. But many of us, especially women, tend to quickly categorize everyone we meet. There is the potential mate zone, the booty call zone, and the infamous friend zone. Why do we seem to put so many men in the friend zone so quickly and why do we often refuse to rezone them? When your kids are zoned to a particular school and you don’t think they are benefiting from the curriculum or maybe they are just advanced in their learning, beyond what they are getting from that school, you’ll figure out a way to get them in a different school in another zone correct? Because their education and growth is important to you. That’s exactly how we should treat these ‘friend zone’ situations. We often spend and waste so much time looking for love that we don’t see that love exists right under our noses. We may talk to and see our love on a daily or at least regular basis, but we call it friendship. But like the popular 90s R&B group Shai sang, “If I ever fall in love again, I’ll be sure the lady is a friend.” They say the best relationships start out as friends, but do we really live by that creed?

I was listening to online radio one day at work and the crew read a letter written by a woman that had a male friend of over 18 years. During the years he expressed many times that he wanted to be more than friends and finally after 18 years she decided to date him, but now she’s disappointed that he hasn’t made more of a commitment to her. Now for 18 years he watched you date other men, obviously unsuccessful because she’s still single, and after making him wait you want him to jump into a commitment with you? How sway? Is it fair to make him rush when you’ve made him wait for so long? So why do we friend zone people so quickly and why are we so hesitant to go beyond the friend zone? Speaking from personal experience, I never want to assume that every guy that approaches me wants to get with me. So I always consider their approach to just be of a friendly nature or him just being polite or just striking up a friendly conversation. Steve Harvey says that every guy has an agenda and no guy wants to just be your friend. He is always waiting on the right moment to slide in and take that friendship to the next level. I don’t think that’s always true. I have 2 really good guy friends that I trust and are very comfortable with and neither of them have ever tried anything. And recent events prove that we can’t rely on Steve’s advice, and the fact that he’s on his third marriage may prove that he’s not the expert that he has so confidently deemed himself.


So let’s discuss why and how people get friend zoned and how to climb your way out of the abyss of friend zoneness, if you so choose. Most of us have a list of qualifications for our potential mate, a sometimes very unrealistic list. If the person we meet does not match the items on that list, but they still prove to be a good human and someone you could have fun with, they may immediately get dismissed and thrown into the friend zone basket. Sometimes we have these friendships that have lasted for years, someone you really care about and would be devastated if they left your life so you’re not willing to take the risk of ruining it by attempting a romantic relationship. We also friend zone people out fear of rejection or being hurt. When you are carrying baggage from your past it can be hard to trust, so you put everyone in the friend category to avoid the potential of being let down…again. Other reasons for putting someone in the friend zone is a lack of attraction for someone or simply being incompatible with a person. Or maybe that attraction was there and that person did something disgusting, immoral, or unethical that turns you off. Deciding to start a relationship with anyone is a risk because no one can predict the outcome. And if you decide to move a valuable friendship into relationship territory it can be even more of a risk. First, you need to establish how strong your feelings are and if you feel that your friendship is worth the risk of losing if this relationship doesn’t work or your friend doesn’t feel the same way you do. You can try to establish rules in the beginning like, the friendship won’t change or if it doesn’t work out you’ll work on just being friends again. But let’s face it, that’s a bunch of BULL! It’s damn near impossible to go from being friends, to lovers and seeing each other naked and, if y’all part ways, go back to being just friends. Someone’s feelings are bound to get hurt, things will be said, and people will move on to other relationships. After that, ain’t no mo friendship bih!

Now that you’ve decided that you actually want to use your graveling hook to climb out the friend zone hole, let’s talk about how to actually do that. Depending on how close you are with the individual that you’ve friend zoned, or that has friend zoned you, very few people will know them like you do. That’s your advantage…show them how much you know and understand them. Now don’t do this in a manipulative way, but what better person to have a relationship with than someone who already knows you and all your little funny and disgusting habits. With a stranger, you have to teach and show them who you are and what you like and dislike. When you’ve already established a friendship with someone, the rest should be fairly easy. I’m not saying you won’t experience the same hurdles that all relationships do, but the getting to know each other process shouldn’t be as hard as it would be with a stranger. The most important thing you can do is be patient. It may not be easy for your friend to go from friendship to relationship, especially if they had no idea you had feelings for them beyond friendship. Give them time to process it. If you sincerely care for this person and want to experience a future with them, respect their feelings and their space if they need it.

If you’re trying to get out of the friend zone I hope it works out for you. And if they reject you, F*** em…they weren’t that cute anyway.

Until next time,

~Keep Laughing


Kitta is an Interviewer and Freelance Blogger/Writer from Jackson, TN. She can provide blogging services for your business or product, and event coverage.

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Can I Get My Shit Together Too?

cropped-cropped-logo1.png Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

My best friend asked me if I would marry for money or love. I immediately said love…we can build together and get this money, but the love has to be my number one reason for saying YES! Then he shared a story about one of his coworkers whose girlfriend, who is also the mother of his child, wants to move in with him. He describes this girl as not having anything going for herself. She works a part time job so her income is not what it should be to maintain a household and take care of a baby. In addition, she has no real plans for the future. She is just living day by day, barely getting by. His dilemma, like it is not already obvious, is that he will have extra living expenses if she moves in. He thinks that once she moves in, she will probably quit her job and expect him to take care of her. Now I must mention that this young man works two jobs and is very active in his child’s life, both physically and financially, so the fact that she does not have her ish together is making him look elsewhere for love.

This made me realize, well I have always been aware of this, but men do not really put up with nearly as much from women. We women always like to “see the potential” in our men or “hold them down” and we do this a lot. Like a LOT…once we fall in love it is hard for us to see past the “ain’t shitness” in a man. Even when it comes to cheating, we women are more likely to forgive than men are. Why is that? What is it about women that make us hold on so much longer than men? Another example for ya, I have a friend that was dating a guy that she really liked. He found someone that he thought was a better fit for him. This young woman was a nurse so she already had an established career and doing okay financially. Nevertheless, do not get it twisted, my friend is no slacker. She takes care of business and is well on her way to having an awesome career. However, because she was not ‘established’ yet, her guy friend chose, what he thought was, the better choice based on her financial and career status. Well, his better fit cheated on him…so I guess she really was not the better fit huh? Hmph!

My best friend said that women are the same way when it comes to choosing a potential mate and dealing with relationships, but I beg to differ grasshopper. Yes, some women dismiss men because they do not meet their materialistic standards, the key word being “materialistic”. Those women are what we call gold diggers; they are looking for a meal ticket. Then you have your goal diggers; the women who are working hard to make sure they can take care of themselves and want someone that is equally ambitious. I always say, “He needs to meet me or beat me.” Meaning I want someone on my same level. I work, pay all my own bills, obtain my possessions using my own line of credit, I’m in the process of pursuing my Masters, and I hustle on the side maintaining my own blog and doing freelance writing for others. The point is, I do not want to work a 9 to 5 for the rest of my life and I want to have multiple streams of income so I always know that my family and I are good. I also do not want my kids to have to work for anyone other than my husband and myself. Therefore, when I say he has to meet me or beat, I mean he not only has to be on my financial level or working towards it, but he has to have the same thought process and goals for the future. We should be able to teach other.

So does a man ever wait for a woman to get her shit together? Nope! Sure do not! We are expected to have it all and be able to do all, on top of keeping our man happy so he does not cheat. If we cannot do that, we are quickly thrown into the reject pile. However, a man can be “getting his shit together” and he expects his woman to hold him down until that happens. Well, NO! We cannot be expected to stand by your side while your broke ass tries to make it if we know you would not do the same for us. I listened to another friend vent about the women he had dated recently, saying how none of them have it together. He even compared them to me, saying, “none of the girls I’ve dated recently have their stuff together. They’re not like you. You have your life intact. You have a job and can take care of yourself. I just don’t understand why these girls can’t get it together.” Well my friend, I did not always have my shit in place. I was once that girl that working on getting there. You cannot dismiss someone because they aren’t quite where you would want them to be. That does not mean you have to put up with “ain’t shitness”, just know the difference between potential and “ain’t shitness”. Know when you have a potential Michelle or Barack.

Until next time,

~Keep Laughing


Kitta is an Interviewer and Freelance Blogger/Writer from Jackson, TN. She can provide blogging services for your business or product, and event coverage.

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Porn Watchers: Heathens or Sexually Healthy?

cropped-cropped-logo1.png Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

Everyone watches porn, or has watched porn at least once right? Well I know ALL of my male friends (and the majority of my female friends) watch and they make no apologies about it. I once heard a former pastor of mine say that there was no harm in watching porn or masturbating. The real offense is the fact that the average person cannot do either without thinking about another person while in the act. That’s when the sin of lust comes into play. But for those of us, I mean y’all (LOL), that can watch porn without fantasizing about someone else, is there any harm in watching porn and engaging in a little touching of one’s self? Of course, if you’re watching porn all day, everyday then it’s a problem. SEEK HELP! That’s not healthy. But I do not believe that the occasional log on to Pornhub is harmful.

Let’s be real, we all have ‘urges’ and ‘needs’. If you aren’t married or in a committed relationship with someone you have an active sex life with, I believe watching porn is better than being a promiscuous THOT or a man-whore in these streets. And speaking of relationships, is it still okay to watch porn if you’re married or in an exclusive relationship? Especially if you and your partner aren’t watching together? So if you don’t have anyone to engage in safe sex with, how do you fulfill those urges and needs? Well, you learn what makes you happy and tingly inside by exploring your body while watching porn. The benefit of watching porn, or ‘learning your body through the art of masturbation’, is that once you enter a relationship with your life mate, you know what you like and you can guide them on what makes you happy sexually. That very thing can also backfire, in that you can become so use to pleasing yourself that you no longer desire the touch of another person. I’m not sure how that can happen because I have yet to discover anything that replaces the touch of a man, but it is definitely not unheard of. I’ve heard many pastors preach against masturbating, one even saying that God provides us with wet dreams so that we don’t have to masturbate. I personally disagree with that, but for all you Christians that hang on to every word your pastor says, that’s actually a good reason not to watch porn.

But a healthy sex life can be beneficial to your mental, emotional, and physical health. According to WebMD, sex not only feels, but it’s good for you.

Boosts Your Libido…Apparently having sex makes sex better. Women every time you have sex your vaginal lubrication increases, blood flow, and elasticity increases. Now that increase in elasticity kind of scares me, but not enough to deter me.

Improves Women’s Bladder…A good sex life is like a workout…an orgasm can strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. This is one that I’ll using in the future because I swear I pee like 20 times a day.

Lowers Blood Pressure…this is should be of particular interest to us black people, since many of us take in foods that are bound to elevate our blood pressure.

Counts As Exercise…in a world that is obsessed with being in shape, but too lazy to actually workout, now you have a fun workout to do to help you lose weight. Sex uses about five calories per minute. It bumps up your heart rate and requires you to use various muscles throughout your body.

May Make Prostate Cancer Less Likely…According to the Journal of the American Medical Association, men who ejaculated frequently were less likely to get prostate cancer. Men, you should watch more porn!

Improves Sleep…what’s put you to sleep and provides  a peaceful night’s rest better than good sex? Nothing that’s what.

So the answer to the question of whether or not watching porn makes you a heathen or sexually healthy is NEITHER! Pleasuring yourself does not require the same amount of energy and exertion as actually having sexually relations with someone. You don’t reap those same physical benefits. Now, porn may relax you and help you sleep better, but it can’t provide you with the emotional support you need and crave sometimes. If you are engaging in the act of sex with someone you love and are in love with, it is often about more than the physical act itself. Sex with the right person can make you feel beautiful, loved and protected. All feelings that are nourishment to your emotional spirit.

So whether you’re a regular porn watcher or an occasional porn watcher, you are not a heathen. You’re not very sexually healthy either…unless you’re a man, because you just need to ejaculate at least 3 times a week to possibly prevent prostate cancer. Proving once again that men have it so much easier than women.

“Daily penetration is medicinal.” Regina Hall a.k.a. Ryan from the movie Girls Trip

Until next time,

~Keep Laughing


Kitta is an Interviewer and Freelance Blogger/Writer from Jackson, TN. She can provide blogging services for your business or product, and event coverage.

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It’s My Funeral And I’ll Party If I Want To

Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

If funerals are supposed to be a celebration of life, why are they always so sad? Yes, I know that someone has lost their loved one and that is a horrible experience to go through, but if we are celebrating that person’s life shouldn’t there be some actual celebration going on? I know some of y’all are probably thinking that I’m being insensitive right now and that is not my intention. I know what it feels like to lose a loved one and it was hardly a time that I felt like celebrating. But for those of yo who believe in heaven and hell, and you also believe your loved has descended into heaven and not the latter, shouldn’t you be celebrating this person’s life all the more? Well, after years of attending the funerals of family members and friends, I have decided that I want my funeral to be a true reflection and celebration of what my life was and what I represented during my time here on earth. I have put together a list of do’s and don’ts for a select few of my friends, of which they are to pass on to my mother if I precede her in death (I couldn’t send my mother into shock by giving her my funeral plans).


Play upbeat music at my ‘Life Celebration’…I want happy music that makes people want to dance and smile. If that means my ‘Life Celebration’ won’t be held at a church, then so be it (I don’t go to church anyway so that solves that problem).

Dress comfortably and wear bright colors…I love bright colors, especially on my Black people. We [Blacks] come in an array of shades and I want there to be an array of bright colors at my ‘Life Celebration’. And y’all better not put my face on a t-shirt or have my name put on the back of your car or truck window. Not knocking anyone that wants to honor their loved ones in that way, I just don’t wish to be memorialized in that way.

Remember all the times I made you laughI love to have fun and I love to laugh. In most dark situations, I try my best to find the humor, to try to lighten the mood. I also tend to laugh at things others probably wouldn’t laugh at (don’t judge, I usually keep those laugh moments to myself). If my friends are down or having a bad day, I feel it is my duty to make them smile or laugh at least once. And if you know me well you know that I don’t have much of a filter so I’m likely to say the first thing that pops in my head (my friend Sierra hates to have me on speaker phone or connected to the Bluetooth in her car, LOL). So whenever you get sad just think about some of the stupid, crazy things I’ve said or done and have a good chuckle at my expense.


At no time are my family and friends allowed to use the word funeralIn any announcements, phone calls, discussions and the event program, it will be referred to as ‘Life Celebration’. The word funeral sounds so sad.

If we weren’t cool or we use to be cool and you cut me off for whatever reason, don’t feel bad and come to my funeral…Listen, I am a firm believer in giving people their flowers while they are alive and treating people how I want to be treated. It is no secret that I love hard and truly cherish my friends. The people that I currently call my friends have been in my life for a long time and it is my mission in life to hold on to them. I have been fortunate enough to attach myself to some good people who have helped me when I was at my lowest and helped me grow in life. Those are the people I want to celebrate my life. If you gave me flowers and then took them away, I do not need them back once I’m dead. Just stay away.

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If you can’t find anyone who can actually hold a note, don’t have any live singers at my Life CelebrationI’m sorry but I’ve been to too many funerals where the choir and the soloist SUCKED! What better way to disrespect the deceased by having horrible musicians and singers performing old Negro spirituals, making what’s already a somber event even more somber. If they can’t blow like Monica and Luther, just have someone pull up Pandora or Tidal or go old school and make a CD of songs to be played. As a matter of fact, I’ll make my own playlist because I want to be entertained as well. And if I forget to make a playlist before I leave, I’m putting my friend Tyone in charge of that. Out of my small circle he has the best taste in music, so I trust that he won’t let me down. Live musicians is NOT a necessity for me.

DO NOT have a crying, falling out episode in front of my familyI know that my family and friends will be sad to let me go, but what I don’t want is someone having a crying spell and making my mom, or anyone else, more upset than she already is. If you feel the need to shed some tears and you actually feel like you may sob loudly, please excuse yourself and step outside. You can come back in once you get yourself together. Oh and I will make sure that there are ushers in place to keep order should such an incident occur.

Do not spend my insurance money on a casket…I want to be cremated and stored on someone’s mantle. Hopefully I’ll be married with children before I die and I can live with one of my kids if my husband has dipped out before me.

In all seriousness, I want to make my transition as easy as possible for my family and friends. I don’t want them to have to pick out my casket or worry about how they are going to pay for my funeral. I do not want everyone to gather at a grave site and watch me lowered into the ground. Honestly that is always the hardest part about a funeral for me. When my grandmothers passed away, it tore me up inside to watch them be lowered into the ground and we just turned away and went back to regular lives. It was like we were leaving them all alone, out in the cold. I am very serious about how I want my funeral to go. I want y’all to celebrate the life I lived and the impact that I left on this world. And believe me when I say, I plan to be around for a long time and I have set things in motion that will allow me to leave my mark on this planet.

Until next time,

~Keep Laughing

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Kitta is an Interviewer and Freelance Blogger/Writer from Jackson, TN. She can provide blogging services for your business or product, and event coverage.