Can A Cheater Change His/Her Spots?

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“Once a cheater always a cheater.” I beg to differ.

Me:  Could you take a chance and date someone known for cheating in her past relationships?

Stuart:  At this point in my life, I wouldn’t take the chance. It would be a waste of time.

Me:  What if she claimed to no longer cheat? Could you trust her? Or would it be too risky?

Stuart:  Too risky. I like to look at people’s pasts to determine their futures. This may be unfair, but that’s how I do it.

Ouch. Well if a person’s future is determined by his/her past then no man would ever take a chance on me. I have cheated on basically every boyfriend I’ve ever had. There, my skeleton is out of the closet. I cannot really provide an explanation for my infidelity besides being young, selfish, and immature.

My last relationship was over 4 years ago. Since then I have grown a lot within myself, with my relationship with God, and with my relationships with the opposite sex. I now know what I want and what I do not want. And I recognized my own shortcomings in relationships and have made great strides to overcome them. With all that being said I still find myself having to answer for the mistakes of my past. I’m finding that some men have a difficult time accepting my “spotted” history.

There are many risks involved when startings new relationships. The biggest -I think we all can agree- is heartbreak. We want to avoid it at all costs. And in some eyes, choosing to date a former cheater is a huge gamble. But as any gambler would tell you, the only way to win is to stay at the table.

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17) This scripture speaks about the ministry of reconciliation. We have been reconciled with God through Christ, with God “not counting men’s sins against them” (2 Corinthians 5:19). Following God’s example we should work to be reconciled with our brothers and sisters not counting their sins again them as well (not just talking about romantic relationships either).

So … am I worth the risk? Heck yeah I am! (Duh! lol

So take a chance. 

While on the topic of cheaters… Is going to the strip club considered cheating?

Until next time,

~Keep Laughing

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Kitta is an Interviewer and Freelance Blogger/Writer from Jackson, TN. She can provide blogging services for your business or product, and event coverage.

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Rejection Isn’t Fair

cropped-cropped-logo1.png Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011

Is there an easy way to tell someone you’re just not that into them? When someone puts themselves out there and spills their heart to someone it is often something they have been holding in for a while and have been working up the courage to say. From personal experience that’s a hard thing to do. So if you’re the recipient of those special words and you don’t share the same feelings, how do you tell them? Are you honest and say exactly how you’re NOT feeling? Or do you dance around it and ultimately ignore the situation until that person finally gets the hint? What if you can’t find anything wrong with this person? They say and do all the right things, and they embody everything you are looking for in a significant other, but you still can’t bring yourself to get into them.

I’ve been on the receiving end of both expressing and being expressed to, and neither situation is easy when you or the other person doesn’t return those feelings. So let’s deal with the situation of someone having feelings for you that you do not share or are not ready to share. How do you let the other person down without hurting their feelings? Or are hurt feelings inevitable? I have only dealt with these situations in two ways, I ignore it until it goes away or I give a generic, watered down response. What do I mean by generic, watered down response? You ask all the right questions, and I have all the right answers. I have, in the past, responded by saying, “I don’t want to ruin our friendship” or “I’m just not looking for a relationship at this time” or “I have too much going on right now and I don’t have time to commit to someone else.” Watered down, meaning I’m saying just enough to get out of revealing my real feelings and not hurt their feelings too much. Generic because I am not telling the real reason I don’t want to pursue a relationship with this person, “It’s not me, it’s you. I’m just not into you.”

I’ve been talking to a friend of mine that is going through this right now. She had a young man tell her how much he likes her. He has practically planned their wedding and impregnated her so they can have the perfect little family…in his head. And guess what? She doesn’t feel the same way about him. Now he’s a really good guy that would make some woman very happy, but she’s not that woman. And that’s okay, as long as she tells him that and doesn’t string him along. But how does she turn down what others would consider the almost perfect guy? How could you walk away from something you know you may not find ever again…in life?!

I have found that it doesn’t matter how good a person is, how good they are to you, and much they have going for them, if that person is not the right person for YOU, it won’t work. He or she could be the one that everyone else would kill to be with…loves God, good job, good personality, good looks, does and says all the right things…but if he or she is not THAT person, there’s no way you can be with them and be happy. We all have THAT person that we want to be with, even if we don’t admit it. We compare just about everyone to them and no one measures up, no one can serve as a replacement. You can have someone saying all the right things, ready to give you the world, but it means nothing if it doesn’t come from the right person. How do you feel when you wake up to the “good morning” text, the “I’ve been thinking about you all day” text, the “I would do anything for you” text…when it comes from THAT person? You can’t even put into words the feeling that comes over you. You’ll run smack into a pole trying to reply to that text. Now think about how you feel when you get those same messages from someone you have absolutely no feelings for. I know, your facial expression just went from sugar to salt. You may even have your friends and family in your ear telling you, “Giiiiirrrrl you better not let this one get away. He’s the one!”

So when people try to make you feel stupid for passing up what they see as the best thing that ever happened to you, just say okay and keep it moving. You owe no one an explanation. Remember, you’ll have chemistry with a lot of people. But not all chemistry should lead to a romantic relationship. Some chemistry is just the chemistry of finding a really good friend. You can’t fall for everyone because of the chemistry between you. Just because a person seems perfect, doesn’t mean they’re perfect for you. So how do you tell someone that you’re just not that interested in them without hurting their feelings? You can simply say, “I just don’t see us as being compatible enough to date and I would rather be honest with you now than to, later, try to explain to you why it didn’t work between us.” Is that easy? No! Will someone still probably be a little hurt? Yes! But if they don’t respect you for your honesty, then you just dodged a big ol sore loser bullet. Just kidding…not really.

Until next time,

~Keep Laughing

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Kitta is an Interviewer and Freelance Blogger/Writer from Jackson, TN, now residing in Charlotte, NC. She can provide blogging services for your business or product, and event coverage.

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Why I’m Single

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A few days ago I was standing in front of the mirror snapping pictures of myself trying to take the perfect selfie to post on Instagram. I must have snapped at least 30 shoots before I had one that I liked and was presentable enough for everyone else to see. If you check my Instagram page you will see that I have posted very few pictures of myself. The rare times that I do post a pic of myself I go through the process of finding the perfect lighting and usually snap pics for about 10 minutes before I have one that I almost like. And if I stare at it for more than 5 minutes I can find at least 3 things wrong with it and I no longer almost like it. But, during this process a few days ago I realized why I’m single. Well I realized the biggest reason that I’m single, because there’s more than one reason. I, Markitta Michelle Garner, have a self-image problem. My mental picture of myself is poor. After doing a little research I was surprised to discover that many people with type A personality tend to have a poor self-image. Those with type A personality tend to be ambitious, impatient, truthful, sensitive and always try to help others. I should get a Type A Personality t-shirt made and wear it everyday.

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I am constantly promoting Team Single. I never miss the opportunity to let the world know how happy I am with my single status, and I am happy being single. I am in no rush to be boo’ed up. But I also have to be honest with myself about one of the reasons why I’ve chosen to stay single for so long. It’s not that I don’t go out or that no one shows interest, or the excuse that a lot of women in my small town like to use, “There are no good men in this city.” I’m sure there are plenty of good men in my area. My why is my self-image. How I see myself is not the same as how others say they see me. When I’m at home getting dressed for work or a night out with my girls. I have a little confidence. But once I step over the threshold of my front door, that confidence level quickly diminishes.

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Phot cred: Trunetta Atwater http://www.trunettaatwater.com

I’m pretty as long as I’m the only one and there’s no competition. I’m pretty until I’m among my friends who exude a natural beauty…a beauty that doesn’t take much effort. I’m pretty until I’m surrounded by other women that I’m constantly comparing myself to. I’m pretty until I step on the scale. I’m pretty until someone wants to take a picture with me. I can’t tell you where my self-image issues come from because I honestly don’t know. All I can say is that I compare myself to others a lot and I’m sure if I stopped doing that I would probably like myself a lot more. So I guess my issues come from my own insecurities. I definitely do not lack people in my life, male and female, that tell me I’m beautiful inside and out. The problem is I don’t believe them. It’s kind of like when you’re mom tells you you’re pretty…I feel like they’re saying it because they’re my friends, not because they really mean it.

Now don’t get it twisted, I’m not looking for validation from a man. I love myself enough not to settle or let someone belittle or disrespect me, but I don’t always like myself. I’m single because I don’t feel attractive. And if I don’t feel attractive I can’t attract anyone else. I’m single because I literally don’t want a man to hug me or touch me in any way because I don’t have the perfect body. I’m single because I feel like if any man gets to close he’ll see all my imperfections.

My friends recently asked me if them telling me that I’m pretty make a difference and the answer is no. You can tell someone something a thousand times, but until they can see it for themselves you’re wasting your breath. Other people’s opinion of me shouldn’t shape how I feel about myself. I have to change my mental perception and realize that God made everything beautiful, including me. So in an effort to reverse my self-image I am going to look in the mirror every morning and repeat Psalm 139:14, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”  

I am currently reading the book Glamour Girl: How To Get The Ultimate Makeover! by Megan Mottley. One of my favorite quotes the book reads,“Problems arise when we compare ourselves to others as well as what we constantly see on television, in magazines, and so forth. People come in all shapes, sizes and colors and no one is better than the other. Our society has defined beauty, fashion, music, religion and many other factors to be a certain way and anything else is ugly, not stylish or just plain wrong. The key is to define your own style and attitude, while taking only a few tips from magazines, television or the people you observe on a daily basis.”

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I know I’m not the only one struggling with their self-image. To all my beauties, “you are created in the image of God, and God don’t make no junk! Like a snowflake, every person is unique. No two are the same. God sees you as a masterpiece; and when you look in the mirror, say Psalm 139:14 and smile.” ~Vicky Courtney http://www.focusonthefamily.com

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As always…Keep Laughing!

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Kitta is an Interviewer and Freelance Blogger/Writer from Jackson, TN. She can provide blogging services for your business or product, and event coverage.

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Black Women In Charge Of Their Survival: Handgun Safety With Marchelle Tignor

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Over the weekend I had the opportunity to take Marchelle Tignor’s Women’s Handgun 101 class in Woodbury, TN. If you’ve never been to a gun range, shot a gun, or even held a gun in your hands, the sound of gunshots going off all around you can be a little scary and overwhelming. Especially at an outdoor range and you can’t see where those gunshots are coming from and where those bullets are flying. But Marchelle and her husband did an excellent job of easing everyone’s nerves. This class covered the basic fundamentals of shooting, myths regarding women and firearms, and handgun safety. Everything you need is provided by Marchelle and her team: firearm rental, ammo, target, ear/eye protection and range time.

Marchelle is a domestic abuse and sexual assault survivor, who saw the need for a larger representation of Black women when it comes to firearms and shooting instruction. In her own words, “Survival is a choice, and it’s important that women feel like they’re in control of their safety.” With plans to open her own range, her mission is to empower women and make sure that none of her students become a victim. Undoubtedly, Marchelle encounters a lot of opposition while traveling state to state to teach these classes. Finding a gun range that will allow her to teach can be a daunting task. Imagine being a Black woman walking into a range that it is, most likely, white-male owned and asking to use their facility to teach a handgun class to a group of Black women. You can guess that she’s been turned away just for being a woman, but even more so for being a young Black woman equipping other Black women with the skills they need to defend and protect themselves from likes of people, men, that look like them. How DARE she even ask?! Fortunately for us, Marchelle realizes that this is much bigger than her and the motivation of empowering women and destroying the victim mentality keeps her going…despite the negative and sometimes racist feedback she’s met with. If you’ve ever had to opportunity to meet Marchelle, you quickly learned that she is not easily intimidated and as she jokingly told us, no one can hurt her feelings…except her husband. 🙂

If you ever needed a reason to be proactive about your safety, just turn on your tv or log into social media. From the recent race riots in Charlottesville, VA to the numerous videos and stories of white men publicly and unapologetically verbally and physically attacking Black women, it is more important now than ever to take control of our survival and learn to fight back. While I am grateful for the Black men that have stepped up in defense of Black women, it is up to us to make sure we do not become victims. Still need convincing? Here are a few alarming statistics and incidents (numbers don’t lie):

  • Homicide at the hands of an intimate partner or ex-partner is the number one killer of African-American females ages 15 to 34
  • Black women make up 8% of the U.S. population, but account for 20% of the intimate partner homicide victims
  • Racists government officials publicly attack their Black female counterparts, setting a precedence for the lack of respect white men have for us. Basically normalizing the disrespect of all Black women everywhere. 
  • In Chicago, a Black female security guard had a bottle of water thrown on her and was then punched in the face by a white man because she asked him to move away from the building where she was working. Police was called but never showed up, and there were bystanders who witnessed the entire incident and did NOTHING!

Marchelle travels almost every weekend to bring gun safety to as many women as she can. If she comes to your city I encourage you to sign up for one of her very affordable classes. It’s time for us [Black women] to take charge of our lives and refuse to become a victim. As I always say, no one is coming to save us…we have to save ourselves.

For more information on Marchelle and to sign up for a class, visit her website at triggerhappypanda.com and be sure to connect with her on Facebook and Instagram.

Until next time,

~Keep Laughing

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Kitta is an Interviewer and Freelance Blogger/Writer from Jackson, TN. She can provide blogging services for your business or product, and event coverage.

 

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5 Steps To Reclaiming Your Time

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During a congressional meeting on July 27th, Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuckin thought he could dance around  a question posed by California representative Maxine Waters. Oh but Waters was having NONE of it! She quickly regained her allotted time lost by exclaiming, “Reclaiming my time! Reclaiming my time!” Now of course the internet and Maxine Waters’ supporters took this and ran with it…drug it through the mud until it was so dirty that no one wanted to use it anymore. Meaning that people will abuse a phrase so much that you quickly get tired of hearing it. Within a few days Waters’ face and her now famous catch phrase was on posters, t-shirts, underwear, and thousands of memes.

I quickly became tired of seeing all the posts, tweets, and facebook statuses about ‘Reclaiming My Time’. I’ll admit, I was a little salty with Maxine for getting everyone fired up to reclaim their time, but then I thought, “I need to reclaim my time for several current situations in my life.” So in planning how I was going to reclaim my time, I figured several of my readers would love to start reclaiming their time as well. So I came up with 5 easy steps for myself in my process of reclaiming my time.

Stop Entertaining Negativity:

I had a friend that was constantly sending me screenshots of random people from her social media pages. She always had something negative to say about everyone instead trying to find the good in people. So what I started doing is NOT responding to those texts. I would respond to all other texts, as long they were not negative. She finally got the message. I reclaimed my time from all negativity. There are so many negative things I could focus on all day everyday, but that’s not going to find me get to where I want to go in life. If you have time to focus on the negative, you have time to focus on making positive changes in your life. This is time that can be dedicated to starting your own business, building your brand…doing research to educate yourself so you can make a positive impact on your community. Something other than talking down on other people. It is ok to tell people that you will not entertain any negativity. That could be a wakeup call for them, as well, to stop focusing on the negative.

 

Stop Talking About It:

I recently dealt with a situation that was literally draining emotionally, mentally, and physically (in that order). I felt the need to talk about it to ALL of my friends. This situation consumed me because it is something that I never really dealt with before and I am still not sure how to handle it. I want the outcome to eventually be good, but I am scared shitless that it won’t and I can lose a really good friend that I care about. I want to move past it, but how is that going to happen if I talk about it every day? It won’t! I have started writing more and talking less. I have also decided to deal with the issue head on instead of asking everyone else’s opinion about it. As long as I have unanswered questions, I will always be confused. I will continue to feel the need to hash it out with my friends, instead of the one friend that I should be talking to. Moreover, I’m sure my friends are tired of hearing me talk about the same thing over and over again.

 

Do Not Get Involved:

I have a friend that is trying to sort out a situation with a couple of people that we both were once friends with. I am very protective of my friends and family and will often try to fight their battles for them. I don’t want anyone to feel comfortable enough to come to me saying anything negative about those that I call friends and family. So I was recently talking to another friend about this situation and telling him how I wanted to reach out to these former friends and have a conversation with them. He quickly said, “DON’T DO IT! Let them sort that out and stay in your lane. Not your circus, not your monkeys.” He’s right. I don’t deal well with drama and always try to steer clear of it. Getting involved in that situation would just be inviting negativity in and the disturbance of my peace. This, in turn, affects everything else in my life…throwing everything off balance and distracting me from my goals. So make the choice to not get involved. If you are already caught up, reclaim your time and get out of the sunken place NOW!

 

Let It Go:

I am the liberated Black woman formerly known as Bitter Betty. I was once the queen of holding onto to things that hurt or angered me. It would only take one time for a person to hurt, anger, or disrespect me and I was DONE! The fork had been stuck in me and I was ready to be eaten, I was so done. (Wait…sorry I have a dirty mind) The point is I did not know how to let go of things and they were affecting my attitude and the way I approached people, places and things. I was robbing myself of having meaning relationships and friendships and my attitude was horrible. Then life taught me that everyone, including myself, makes mistakes. I had to learn how to forgive and forget, because I wanted to be forgiven for my mistakes and mishaps. Holding on to negative things makes you unhappy and robs you of your joy. And I need all of the joy and happiness that I can get. Life is too short and I don’t want to miss out on an ounce of joy and happiness. So I reclaimed my joy and happiness by letting go of hurt and anger.

Take A Chance:

A closed mouth don’t get fed. If you want something, ask for it or go after it. How many times have you said, “I wish I had…” or “I wonder what would happen if…”? We often hold back on pursuing the things we want because we are comfortable, afraid of failing, or don’t want to be rejected. Rejection and failure is a part of life and a part of growth. It can break you, if you let it, or it can make you stronger and make you push even harder to reach your goals. I’ve been saying that I want to relocate for years now. I haven’t actively pursued it until now. I feel like I’ve wasted so much time being comfortable in my little small town bubble. My friends are (were) here, my mom is here and I’m familiar with my surroundings. I’m living in ‘The Comfort Zone’. But I am so unhappy. I feel like a raft inside of a small box. I want to inflate to my full size, but this box is constricting me. So now, I’m taking a chance and taking steps to relocate. Please stop waiting and start doing. When I think about at all the time I wasted staying in my hometown, working jobs that definitely don’t pay enough, and putting my dreams on hold, I want to cry. But I won’t because I’m a G! But I could have been in a city that appreciates my talents more, surrounded by like-minded individuals that are pursuing the same things I am. I will always love my hometown, the city that raised me. However, I outgrew it a long time ago and now I am taking a chance and starting new in a new city and state and going into the career that I actually went to school for. Do not put your happiness on hold any longer by giving into the fear of “what if”. What if you do and everything turns out great?

These 5 steps can easily be summed up in 3 words: STOP ENTERTAINING NEGATIVITY!

Until next time,

~Keep Laughing

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Kitta is an Interviewer and Freelance Blogger/Writer from Jackson, TN. She can provide blogging services for your business or product, and event coverage.

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